The unintelligible ramblings of a 19 year old girl.

im_everycliche @ 2007-08-14T14:01:00

2007-08-14T13:20:27Z

is it just me.. or do boys just not have the same effect as they used to? do they just not try any more..??
don't get me wrong. i'm not coming out or anything.. but i just feel like i can't ever find a boy that i like who likes me the same amount that is willing to show that he cares.
i mean you hear from all his mates that he's nuts about you.. so why doesn't he show it?
what's with this whole 'playing cool' thing anyway?

pardon me if this makes no sense whatsoever, but i happen to be hungover/sleep deprived, and experiencing an awful headache.

the point is. there was this one boy who proclaimed his love to me, [by love i mean like.. but love sounds better eh?] by getting up on a table in a bar and telling everyone just to get my number.

there was this boy who played me one of my favourite blink songs on the guitar, because he liked me.

there was a boy that cared about me enough to stick his fingers down my throat and make me sick when i was really wasted one time.
yes. not the most romantic thing in the world. but that's not what i'm talking about. i wasn't romantically involved with this guy. he was just a fucking good friend.
he seems to have changed as of late.

so have all boys.
what happened to overblown romantic gestures?!

i know it's lame. but girls like that kind of thing. no matter how embarassed they pretend to be.

WELL.
i want a boy to show that he cares.

this boy that i like. i can't like him. i hate that i like him. i hate that one minute he's there.. and then i just don't hear from him for days.
it sucks.
not because i want a relationship with him. i don't do that. we all know this.
but i just want to know that he cares. you know?
i just want some kind of fucking consistency, is that too much to ask?
this boy has managed to hold my interest longer than most others. i don't have a clue what it is about him.
maybe i'm changing? maybe i'm growing up. slowly but surely i will be able to commit to someone, someday.
maybe it's happening right now.

also. there's another boy. and they're both the same type.
this type that i try desperately to stay away from yet i always manage to fall for. every time.
the whole alpha male, 'i'm so good looking it hurts' self assured.. assholes.

i should stay away from everyone at this point, i feel.
until i get my grand romantic gesture.
yes. we'll see how that works out..

[priya won't have sex for a very very long time, that's how]

mah. this has turned in to rambles of the incoherant nature.
good day to you all
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-18T17:36:00

2007-07-18T16:39:49Z

okay, so i'm leaving chippenham on sunday, but i don't want to.
i want to stay here with the wonderful people.
but ian is also leaving, so that's wonderful person gone.
but kun is coming next week.
and alex is still here.
and the otherssss.
oh my god. this is awful.
i can't choose.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i feel like crap.
but i had an awesome night last night.
in which i got "engaged" to two boys.
who kept jokingly trying to make me choose between them.
but truthfully, i couldn't.
i think i like them both.
but that's not good.
they deserve better.
mah. *sad face*

but what a great night it was.
and what a great time i've had here.
i want to stay.
but i gotta sort out uni.
and work.
and phone bills.
and bank.
GAHH.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-11T16:24:00

2007-07-11T15:27:29Z

Hello.
So, yeah, i haven't posted in a while, but that's because there's so much been going on.
I really like it here, and i've been ill for the past couple days, but i reckon i shall go down to the pub today.
I want to do some drawing and i feel like sitting in the beer garden, on my own and doing some.

There's a gig on, on saturday, and i can't wait for that.

Also, mills may be coming down, within the next couple of weeks, to see me.
Yayy.

Uhmm. I dunno what else there is to say. I should go get ready. Bye bye bye xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-05T15:00:00

2007-07-05T14:26:18Z

So, I was just on the phone to Millie. We were talking about the old days.
Even though we didn't know eachother then, we knew some of the same people and sorta had the same lifestyle.
Except she'd take stupid amount of drugs. And I would drink stupid amounts of alcohol.
We realised that we were so young when it all started that, seeing that behaviour now, in people of our age, makes us think that they're immature.
But if we'd started drinking at the legal age, would we be like them?
I dunno.
But back then, what started out like harmless fun, changed people that used to be so wonderful.
I remember having so many people i could count on...
Now I don't speak to half of them.

Gah. It makes me miss being younger, too.
That carefree condition, when you knew you'd have your parents to fall back on. And the excuse that we were just kids.
It's funny because there's about a year of my life that I don't particularly remember.. and I long for it.

People aren't the same anymore. All the incest between our groups, it makes you feel that none of the feelings that anyone had towards you were genuine. Or the feelings that you thought you had for someone, were quickly replaced by feelings for one of their best friends. it's all a bit fucked up if you ask me.
But that's how it used to be.. and i long for that, too.

Especially that tight-knit group of friends. I dunno what happened to make it all fall apart.
I wish we were the way they were again.
I dunno why this is all coming out now, perhaps 'cause i'm leaving soon.. but I am really going to miss this.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-04T23:35:00

2007-07-04T22:44:53Z

Today I did nothing.
Yesterday was fun, though.
My sister came home and we went down to the pub. I met some nice people.
It was a bit weird, though, 'cause it's the first time i've been "out" since the smoking ban. We had to keep going outside.
Yeah, so we hung out at the pub and we got a little bit drunk, though i wasn't as bad as my sister.
Me and Kitty played against the Bisto Brothers and won.
MODIS RULE!!!

Then she, in her drunken state, decided that everyone was going back to Bistos. I decided to be a killjoy and went home.
It's not 'cause i'm getting old or nothing.. it's just we had all made plans to do something today, 'cause none of us (apart from Ash, the poor boy) had work the next day.
We thought we'd go down to Bath and I wanted to be able to shower in the morning.
But yeah, that plan fell through the second Kitty convinced everyone (other than me - her wiles don't work on me, for i am her sister) to go back to the Bisto's and drink more.

She came back really late today, so i just sat around and communicated with Millie through various forms, the whole of the day.
Mum had made enough food for the whole family, and i pretty much ate it all.
Haha.

Ermm. What else?!
Err, we just watched The Goonies, 'cause Bisto hadn't seen it before.
He hadn't LIVED.
Yeah, and i thought i'd come down and update this.
But I am extremely tired, for some reason - all that bumming around perhaps...

Byee xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-03T01:21:00

2007-07-03T00:33:00Z

I DON'T WANNA KNOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! I DON'T WANNA KNOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!

I've been downloading/listening to/watching fuck loadsa Blink songs today. Live stuff, which is like. the best, yo.
It's like 1.23 and i'm ridiculously happy.
Today I did absolutely nothing (except help mum destroy my room so she could put a bed in.)
I just annoyed the hell out of a bunch of people using paint on Messenger. The only people who were able to draw back were the two Josh's.
And got some really rare blink songs.
And.. and..
Yeah. I had a great day.
I spoke to mills earlier and she described this scary film to me, scene by scene, it was terrifying.
I reckon she's asleep, now. Sucks, cause i really want someone to call while i smoke.

ON AND ONNN, RECKLESS ABANDON.

sghsghfgjkdfgh.
I spoke to some swell people on MSN today. I haven't used it in bloody ages, so i've forgotten who half the people are. Haha.
I'm so out of the loop it's insane.
I also feel i'm lacking social skills on this thing. I'm just irritating. 'Cause it's easy to be. Especially with this paint thing.. you can just draw at people 'til they block you.
Sounds like my ideal night in...

Anyhow. I think i will sleep soon.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-07-02T01:48:00

2007-07-02T01:32:51Z

I am officially bored. but i'm watching Haunted - the episode with Mark Hoppus in it.
It also stars Jack from Lost. Crazy.

Erm, so yeah, i figure i should tell you about my week as it was so eventful.
On tuesday, i hung out with Harry. We went to college to hand in our Locker Keys and i had some work to do.
Wednesday, me and Mills decided, as it was my last wednesday in Leicester for a while, that we'd go to Mosh. We went for a few at Odyssey, but mills wasn't drinking that much so it was basically me downing a bunch of drinks while she slowly enjoyed one.
Beccy left. Dane and them lot for Mosh shortly afterwards. I don't remember when/how we did, but eventually we ended up at Mosh. And at first it was completely dead. but then without me realising it got proper full. It was the last Mosh wednesday for a while, i heard.
I got extremely drunk, and it was fun from then on. I think.
People kept telling me that this boy i used to see wanted to "fuck" me. [how romantic] But I still feel weird about that whole thing, and still think his ex would get upset with me so i'm not going there.
We left and millie asked if i wanted to come back to hers. I said 'no i should go home, i have an exam tomorrow'
i forgot my stuff in her bag, and after getting half the way home in a cab i realised. The reason being that the taxi man was hilarious. he just kept talking. i thought i'd text millie and tell her this and i couldn't find my phone.
I, then, proceeded to yell "STOP THE CAB!"
The crazy man actually did it. We turned around and tried to catch millie who was walking home.
It was all in this surreal panicky state, in which neither me or the cab driver knew where we were going, just the general direction we had to end up in. We almost went down two one-way streets.
It was almost as exciting as a high-speed chase...
The cab fare was already up to £5 by the time we got to her, and so i gave him the money and jumped out. Exam Shmegxam, i'm sure i must've thought.
We got some chips and decided to sit out front and have a deep and meaningful right there and then.
Hilarious. [I will say that word as frequently as I wish]
We then went inside, and we ~~bitched~~ talked for AGES.
Next thing i know i'm waking up, and i've missed my exam. It doesn't matter, though, cause it's for Maths, so i can re-enter myself without it affecting my grade, i suppose.

TINY VOICESSSSS.

Yeah, so that day, me and millie just monged out for the whole day. Satch came over and I felt i should leave as I felt third wheel-like. I saw my friend Candy on the bus. I think I rambled at her. Y'see, instead of unloading when i'm drunk, i've recently started doing it when hungover. I feel there's no excuse for this.
I got home and wanted to pass out, but my cousin's husband (that would make him my...) came over from Thailand, so we hit the pub in true Modi fashion. I ate a starter and decided i could take no more. I ordered desert and left. I dunno why but i was really upset after that. I went home and watched Supernatural. There's nothing better than two hot brothers fighting supernatural forces to lift your spirits. I fell asleep.

My tooth had been sore all week, so i decided to call up the dentist. I went in and he fixed the problem. You know all of this. I then went to college to hang out with Harry. I got home pretty late, and had to start getting ready for work straight the way, i couldn't go to Millie's like originally planned. I got to work, and felt like crap. Martin was in a bad mood, and had completely forgotten that i'd told him that i was going away next week and couldn't work. Meh.
Work went by so fucking slow. It was well annoying. But eventually i got to Panic with Mules.
Considering i hadn't been drinking, i had an alright time. The atmosphere in there always makes it seem as though i'm drunk. It's not a lie!

Anyhoo, we left for Mills' house (we being Me, Dan, Pete and James) as we were walking down the street James and Dan started play fighting. We continued to walk, cause it was cold. We eventually looked back to see what the hold up was, and there was Dan in a pool of his own blood with James hovering shiftily. Apparently Dan was pushing James and James was pushing back, but eventually got bored, without warning Dan, so Dan went face first in to the floor. It sounded/looked painful. I had no idea what to do. Not only was my friend hurt, there was blood everywhere, and i'm real squeamish, so i had to keep my distance.
Luckily, we had a fairly sober Millie with us, who took care of it. James insisted he use a plaster.
Dan bought up the good point that he couldn't use it on his swollen eye, bloody nose or fat lip (yes, all this from falling on his face. he also cut his chin. OWNED.
We went back to Millies and Dan got cleaned up. Pete washed us up some mugs while telling hilarious stories. His wild gesticulations sent foam flying everywhere. It was all just very fun to watch. We made soup, cause that's the only thing i could really ingest.
They all left 'cause Dan was in pain. I fell asleep in ALL of my clothes. Grr. How annoying.

Anyhow, in the morning i woke up, and i was so uncomfortable. I went upstairs and climbed in to Millie's bed. When we got up we went 'round all the shops in the area trying to find things for me to eat as a celebration that i could eat solids again. I bought some cupcakakes. They were delicious. We watched the end of a film called "Mission to Mars" which was really creepy, cause i have a fear of being lost in space. It can't actually have been that bad as it was being shown quite early in the day. Millie gave me a bowl of cereal, and we just seemed to be eating non-stop and watching random things on the tele. There was this one show called "The best ever worst auditions" and it was basically a show about the auditions on shows like X-factor and Pop Idol, with just people humiliating themselves. It was freaking hilarious.
There was this one man, "Bob the Tray" he would dance about carrying a tray in one of his hands and ocassionally hit himself over the head with it. Hahah. Priceless.
He is infact mine and Millie's hero.

Anyway, i had to get home to get to work, but 'cause i had my CDs and it was raining, i got a cab home. I got in, and had the longest shower ever. I was late to work. but work was fun, to begin with. It eventually got busy, and i was in a bad mood for a while. I swear, if some of the regulars weren't in that night, i would've gone insane. There was this man who got real drunk, passed out, had chewing gum in his hair, had a cock drawn on his back, his possessions strewn in the area around him, and when we finally (i mean FINALLY, after many, many attempts) got him up his trousers fell down to 'round his ankles.
I felt well bad for him.
For a while there, I thought he wasn't breathing. He had his passport in his back pocket. I checked his name. I don't remember it: but i'm crap with stuff like that.
Apparently when he got outside he started to cry 'cause he was so lost. Bless.

These men were (apparently) trying to speak Gujerati to me. But I don't even understand it properly in it's purest form, so when drunk british men start speaking it at me, i don't see how there's any chance that i'm gunna understand. They said they were saying "you look hot" but after they slowed it down (and repeated it a bunch of times) I realised they were saying "that bird is nice" which, i guess, works but wasn't what they thought they were saying...
Anyhoo. Me and Becs went to Firebug after work to have one last drink together. It was alright, but then i just wanted to get home. A song came on that upset me a bit. Mregh-- i don't wanna talk about it.

Anyway. Yeah, so that's pretty much all, leading up to my last post.

xx

I thought I loved you, but it's just how you looked in the light..

2007-07-01T22:28:01Z

Hey. i'm a bit confused at the moment.
I just got to Chippenham and at first i really didn't want to leave Leicester. but now that i'm here, it's not a big deal. Although i was looking forward to watching my Blink DVD and i realised i hadn't got the disc. I reckon Kun's put it somewhere, in that annoying way he does.
I'm gunna miss him, though. Chippenham is his place. What the hell do i do without him?!

I think i'm gunna be a recluse 'til my sister comes back from that festival. The people here are cool, an' all. It's just i need someone to latch on to, to become comfortable in most social situations.
I was gunna go down to open mic tonight, but i had some reading and some Blink listening to do, so it's not like i had a crummy night.

I dunno how long i'm gunna stay here, depends how long i can put off all the stuff at home. I know there'll come a point where i'll have to come home, to sort out loans and decide what uni to go to, and pack, and say goodbye to my friends, and all that stuff that i don't want to do, but i'll be damned if i don't procrastinate for as long as i bloody can.

argh. i should enjoy the time i have.
i was WELL looking forward to it, earlier this year. infact, weeks ago. what the fuck has changed?! it's so frustrating. hmphh.

x

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-29T15:24:00

2007-06-29T14:33:29Z

Ugh. i've calmed down now. Had to slap myself in the face a couple of times.
A fight just broke out in the library. It was bloody hilarious. It was really slow and everyone just watched for a good few minutes before reacting. So many things could've been broken, if it was infact a REAL fight. but no. it was hilariously slow. and over something stupid, i presume.
Good times.

The dentist said I can only eat soft food, sporadically - when i like to eat foods of every consistancy, constantly.
I can't drink - well. we all know that's pissed me off.
I can't smoke.
And the pill won't work to it's full potential, while i'm on my meds.
Also "avoid any unnecessay talking, excitement, exercise for the rest of the day"

WHY DON'T I JUST STOP LIVING?!!!

Meow.
I do go on a bit.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-29T14:29:00

2007-06-29T13:45:30Z

EDIT. [I had a bunch of stuff written here, but i thought it made me sound like a prick]

At the minute i have a fat lip, cause i've been to the dentist and they always seem to go crazy with the anesthetic, even if it's just a check up. I can't drink tonight, because of it. And for the rest of the week. So my two last nights left in Leicester are just gunna be shit. Yes, i know, i rely too much on 'the sauce'. If it helps, i've come to terms with it.

But yeah, i'm a bit confused at the moment. Got cold feet about going to uni this year. Going away for the summer, and considering it's my last living here in leicester, i feel like i shouldn't. But I do wanna hang out with mother and my sister. And.. and.. the people of Chippenham are swell. I'm sure i'll have a good time.. I just. I dunno.
fgjdflk giohdfgjfdgjidfgjfdgdfjgdf.

There are people here. I don't want them to forget me. I don't want to forget them.
People always say they'll keep in touch. I know i've said that lots of times, and just. haven't. It's hard, y'know.
I can't think about this.

xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-26T17:54:00

2007-06-26T17:07:14Z

Okay.. so i was gunna make a new account - infact, no, i did - but then i decided to come back to this one, right here. The reason i made a new one was so i didn't have to bother explaining all those things that i wrote about all those months ago, that're no longer part of my life. I'm not the same person as i was back then. And I hardly see some of those people anymore.
I realised i don't have to explain anything..
I can just start again, and do my best to keep up with this thing. Besides, it's more for my venting needs then it is for others to read. I think i know like. 2 people, who look at this thing on a regular basis.

I'm gunna be living with my mum over the summer, and she lives in a small town, and so i'll have a bit of free time on my hands, i guess.
I can't wait to go to Chippenham. Things here are getting too much for me, and although i'll miss all my friends, there are some things i just want to run away from for the time being. I'm going for around 6 weeks I think. and then i'll come back for the end of the summer. Sort myself out a bit. And then i'll be off to uni. Wheyy!

I think living somewhere far, far away would be too much of a big step for me, so going to Birmingham, i feel, is ideal. [Man, i type like such a prick :p]
It's not too far on the train, so if it does get too much for me, i can always come back to Leicester for the weekend. I am not gunna let the fact that it's so close ruin the experience for me, though; I want to learn to take care of myself.
I'm so used to people just. doing shit for me, that i never learn to do things for myself. I reckon i'll be good at rationing money for food, but i dunno how i'll cope with not being able to go out all the time, or buying new CD's/Clothes. I guess that's what a loan's for...

Yeah, so, anyway. This is my new[ish] LJ. I'll try to keep updating, Hope you enjoy.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-26T15:23:00

2007-06-26T14:23:39Z

THIS IS

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-26T15:22:00

2007-06-26T14:22:52Z

im_everycliche @ 2007-06-26T15:17:00

2007-06-26T14:18:38Z

STARTING OVER.

Don't panic.

2007-02-28T17:53:43Z

yeah. okay, so i have forgotten the rest of the story i was telling the other day.
i'm sure it can't've been that important.
I feel i must tell you something, though.

well.
so.
uhm.

yeah, i've been disappointed lately.
in just people that i know and am close to.
it's nothing new, i guess.
the times that we live in. (hah)
and the fact that we don't really have high enough standards for friends.
it's more for convenience sake.
i think this is pathetic. but i can't change it.
i hate change. and i have gotten used to be being betrayed.
also seeking revenge. but i'm trying to stop that.
cause i think that's pathetic too.

i think my college friends have taught me alot. they really don't know.
they have never let me down. they're such good people. they've made me somewhat better myself. *tear*

yeah. anyway. it doesn't matter what this is regarding. i don't care enough.
i've gone numb to it all.
maybe things will work better this way.

blah.
something good that happened - i put the G - string (ahaah.) back on my guitar, and bought a strap and am working on playing while standing up.

i also cleaned him and stuck a couple more stickers on to make him look shiny and new.
he's so pretty.

heh.

anyhow.
i'm off.
thanks for listening.

also. remember kids - take care of your colon and your colon will take care of you.
xx

im_everycliche @ 2007-02-19T11:52:00

2007-02-19T11:52:11Z

alright. so.
this week, has been incredibly eventful - let's see if i remember everything, yesh?

You all know i went to chippenham on Tuesday.
The next day, i hung out with mother for a bit. she took me to her salon and pampered me. which i have missed, so very very much.
then i met Amber (kun's piece of ass) and we went for a coffee, and her mate dropped me to mum's.

i spent the rest of the afternoon bumming around, and then the evening watching a bunch of McFly videos (hey. shut up.) my sister-cat the arrived and we started getting ready to go out. if you know us, you'll know this is a long process, and we didn't end up leaving the house 'til 10. we figured, as Chippenham is such a simple little town, the pubs would close at 11, so we had a swift drink or two. we sat with Chris (Nick Frost) as he was the only person I knew there --

alright, i am stopping this for a brief minute to show you two comments i have just recieved:

"Just wanted to apologize for being out of touch. My internet's been down for a while due to moving. I hope all's well and drop by my page anytime.

Damon"

I have no idea who this is.

and :

"I have decided that you are nine parts treacle and one part glitter. This is science, so it is unquestionable. Furthermore, I still love the Alkaline Trio, more than most people in my life, and would probably marry them all if it was legal and I liked other people's willies more than my own. Adieu. x"

haha. I love Andy, he's proper hilarious. proper.

anyhoo.
we ended up making friends with a bunch of localers. that all knew my brother cause the populations like 40.
i swear.

they were all real nice, and easy going, and one of the guy's who worked at the place, and he said we could have a lock in.
he also made me and one of his friends have a 'draw off' though, i don't remember the outcome.
i believe it was me, but i haven't recieved either a trophy or a certificate to prove this.

me and my sister took it upon ourselves to get completely trollied and hope that these strangers were capable enough to take care of us.
over the hours; 10 pm - 7 am, we became like family.

i will update this later.
x

TOAST AND BANANAS

2007-02-14T01:04:45Z

yesterday i finished doing "college work" at 6.30.
I was really using the school computers and printers to print out lyrics from every blink album ever made. i managed to convince them for a class. or atleast they stopped caring.

anyhow. I got home and watched Dawson's Creek.
I'm gay for that show. I can't miss it.
Well. I did today. but that's cause i'm in chippenham.
nothing fun happens here.

I got the train pretty early, but it managed to take 5 hours to get here. I had to change a good few times, though.
and i knocked a man/woman over the head with my bag.
i did not apologise. i laughed.
i'm fucken awful.

anyhow. I got here, and hung out with brother for a bit.
his friend came over who reminds me, so much, of Nick Frost.
He's so funny.
He reads the sandman and a bunch of other stuff, so i got on with him quite well.
I met kun's girlfriend, and she's really sweet.
and then we went to the pub, and the people were all really nice.

one of the guys wrote a lymeric about me, as.. that's what we all seemed to be doing - i don't know how it came about - but yeah, it was hilarious.

but yeah, well. i guess i did have fun here. i will be returning home on Thursday, for the make out club.
It feels like i haven't worked there in bloody ages.

I know none of that was interesting. but i don't care. it's 1 am and i have been travelling, and i am tired, and our bloody checkers game won't work.

xx

I would do anything, and that's what scares me so bad...

2007-02-12T16:36:05Z

hey.

i'm gunna start blogging on here, again, i reckon.
i've been reading the entries below, and, god. so much has changed.
practically everything.
it's quite upsetting really.

but yeah, watch this space.
xx

You know..

2006-05-05T12:34:04Z

.. so many interesting things happen in my life.

Not always good things, but I count myself lucky..

Think about all those people that have no social life.

Yeah, they'll probably get better jobs, and better educations - for the time being.

But I think charm and people skills takes you a long way.

And if the majority of our generation - also described as 'the future' think that is true [and i'm pretty sure they do] then maybe education won't be everything when we're in charge.. You know?!

is this just stupid rambling?!

I always feel so fucken pretentious when I try to articulate silly thoughts of mine.

I feel like I'm one of those people who convince themselves they're intelligent, and have a hard time accepting they're not.

If you think any of that up there is just waffle, then sure, you can tell me, or perhaps, if you're not a decent human being you can laugh behind my back, or perhaps, you can discuss this with me, or.. if you 'nothing' me then just.. continue.

You have to bare this - rather large, i feel - factor in mind; I am slightly hungover. And i am sad.

Not sad, as in the pathetic way [well. maybe, but I don't feel the need to point that out] but I am upset.

Things have been going so swell in every aspect of my life, xept one..

I miss seeing him around. And talking to him. and I don't think he cares. And if he does, he's not showing it. And I guess i'm not too.

And I guess.. I deserve it. I am not at all good with things like this, as everyone knows, and once i have someone that I think I can totally rely on, or maybe just have fun with, I go in to self destruct mode and just ruin it all.

You always hope that you'll find someone who knows exactly what to say.

Someone that - if they in some rare case did make a mistake, and hurt you - that they'd know exactly how to fix it.

Some grand gesture; like in a movie.

But it doesn't work that way.

Maybe because American's have a lot more confidence.. and are incouraged to speak their feelings from a young age?

Maybe because life's not REALLY like that. And that teenagers are too self involved to know how to fix something they have done to hurt someone that is supposed to be close to them, but they have no idea.
Maybe because it just wasn't meant to be. Whatever.

Who cares.

Another notch to add to my bedpost.

Hurrah, what a great life I lead.

And I look so fucking humble.

Blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

xx.

You wish you could tell her...

2006-03-06T19:48:27Z

Okay, so it's Monday night.
My back hurts..
'cause I slept funny.
I realised I haven't blogged in a hell of a long time..
There is so much to write about, but you know I can't be bothered with that stuff.
I moved house.
It sucks.
It fucking sucks.

I got a new phone today.
I also got told that If I don't start working, I'll have to repeat this year at college. *fuck up*

I went to Free Fall Felix's launch gig last night.
Was pretty fun. Yip.
They weren't all that good, though.
Me and Tom were discussing it, and we all know they're a talented bunch of lads..
But I much preferred SG.. and not just 'cause of 'the brother factor'.
To What End [better known as The Gays] had to stop half way through their set, 'cause of Tom's throat infection.
Bless.

Uhm, me and Dan had gun wars.
Gayboy video taped FFF, awh. I thought it was well cute.
I proposed to two boys.
Steve found me a pack of cigarettes and gave them to me.
Blah, I can't be bothered with this whole 'forming sentences' thing..

I'll just say this:
The weekend was pretty damn fun.
Maybe we'll Fan Club it up tomorrow, aye?
xx.

Okay, so..

2006-02-15T18:03:31Z

I dunno if anyone has noticed, but I haven't been blogging very much lately.
This is for two reasons;
-There have been alotta things that have cropped up recently that I don't fucking well wanna talk about.
-I have been attempting to deal with these things, and a whole lot more, so I haven't had the time to blogg.

Still, I'd hate to dissapoint you - my adoring fans - so I am gunna attempt to work through what will appear to be trivial matters to you and just get on with it.
Perhaps it'll make me feel better?

I don't know.
The point is this: I will continue to document like I haven't missed the past couple weeks, and if any event last week was really that important, i'm sure it won't have gone away by now and I will explain it when the time is right.
And if it had disappeared, it would've rippled in to other things that I would wish to talk about in which case I would probably have to explain it anyhow.
You getz?

Yeah, anyway. Blah, blah, blah. Boriiing.
I want to talk about the Fan Club last night.
What a fucking fun night.
Seriously.
It was me and Katie, like the old days, with the old [well.. few month old] indie.
We fucking owned.
And my HND wednesday morning tutor was there, wasted.
It was funny, 'cause during a drunken ramble I told her that this is the reason I am not lively in her lessons; because I am at Fan Club the night before, and I come in hungover.
Good idea/bad idea? You decide.
Hell. It was one of the funnest nights i've ever had at Fan Club.. and that's saying something.

Me and Katie watched a Marie-Kate and Ashley movie this morning.
And a Hilary Duff movie.
We were in the mood for some cheese from Hollywood's Teenybopping A-listers.
And the cheese was delivered.
What am I saying?
Do you even care??
If you are reading this, I am so proud of you..
I tend to blather on when I am hungover.
Also; when I am wasted.
Also; when I am sober.
Also; when I am asleep.
WHAAT?

Right.
I am off.
But before I go.. I must say this :
STAY WITH ME - FINCH, has the sweetest lyrics ever.
Ever, ever.
It actually makes you think that Male's have emotions.
That they are able to express them in a coherant and pleasant manner.
That maybe one day a boy could express his feelings towards you in a similar way.
Then, you realize who wrote this song - Nate Barcalow.
He isn't like normal boys. He's special. I want a Nate Barcalow.
It doesn't have to be the Nate Barcalow; that doesn't even have to be his name.
I just want someone like that..

This is gay.
I wrote it all out before, and it actually seemed sensical, and maybe even intelligent [if you squinted and turned your head slightly] but now, it's cheesy and lame.
I apologise.
I AM HOLLYWOOD.

Bye, fuckers.
xx.

UPDATE: Maybe Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls has the sweetest lyrics?
Maybe.
xx.

To be honest..

2006-02-11T21:41:07Z

..i'm a little drunk.
For this exact reason, I do not remember the events of last Friday. N'or the events that occurred most of this week.
I will say that it has been fun..
and will update when I am in a proper state to do so.
I love you all.
xx.

And when the answer that you want... is in the question that you state...

2006-02-05T23:17:13Z

come what may.

Hello. Week's been busy, I may miss big and rather important chunks out,
just cause i am forgetful [/highly stupid], but you know this.

Monday:

..I don't.. remember.
Erm?
College, obviously.
But.. then?
My Myspace reminds me that I sat at home, bored.
Aaron said he'd come round..and we'd hang out, like old times, but then he went offline, and never returned.
He explained what happened on Friday night. but I do not remember.
This didn't bother me too much. I was in no mood to be entertaining. I was knackered.

Ooh, just remembered we had our group discussion. I didn't contribute all too much. Damn.
I have to re-do it tomorrow.

Tuesday:
Tuesday was fun. I don't remember what we did at college.
I remember having Ian, though, 'cause he's the best.
He gave us muffins and doughnuts.
Yeah, told you he was the best.
Then came Home time.

I went to Fan Club that evening.
I don't remember why.. but I had to rush to get ready.
I got home late, but I don't remember why.
I think I went to see mother at the salon.
Yeah, that was it.
Then we dropped her friend off. Got home at like 6.
Ate.
Dad said to be ready by half 7, and I needed to shower.
He didn't get too mad, 'cause he's lovely like that.
Got to Becca's, faffed around for a while, then watched The OC.
I was distracted by my hair, so I had to watch the re-run today.
All 3 of us took scene pictures, and then off to the bus stop we went.
We sang really loudly, I think Katie was a little drunk, I was only feeling it ever so
slightly and so was Becca, but to be fair Katie had drank more than us.
Our favourite bus driver picked us up.
Me and Becca took the liberty of brushing our teeth on the bus. Hahah.
We said our goodbye's to the bus driver, and onward to Fun Clab we went.
Bought some Cigarettes on the way, too.
I was welcomed by one of the bouncers with a "Alright, Trouble?"
I nodded.
Why do people always call me that?
That is not my name?!?
Is it..?

*checks tag around wrist*
Nope.

Fan Club was fun.. We got in, headed straight to the lavatory where we spruced ourselves up, and drank some alcohol Katie had smuggled in, in her crotch. Niiice.
I danced like a twat to some Ska.
We went to request songs.
Katie spent some time with Kristian and I spent some time with Mitch.
Then we'd meet and dance like complete MORONS.
Then retreat back to said partners.
'cept I kept attacking KrisGlitch, explaining [/screaming] that she was my girlfriend and this behaviour was not on.
Ahaha.

I upset someone, that night.
I can't believe i let that person down, 'cause only after a few days of talking to him,
his opinion become that of high regarded to me.
He's one of those people you can just talk to.
And no matter how funny and smarter than you you think they are, they'll always manage
to make you feel comfortable.
He even makes it seem as though i'm something special, better, even, than him.
I upset him, I hadn't taken his feelings into consideration, and I was sorry.
At the time I was too wasted to do anything about any of this.

Awesome John met us up afterwards and we flyered for him.
Got a free SelfMade CD in the process.
John gave me a Kateh a lift home.
I got home, and drank water, and dredding having to wake up.

Wednesday:
Woke up.
FUCK.
My head hurt, I rolled outta bed. I expected carpet.
There was none.
Ouch.
I decided to get back into bed.
I slept summore.
I woke up at 8.35.
Had to be in for 9.
JESUS CHRIST.
I made my way to the door managing to trip on as many things as humanly possible on the way.
I sat down in front of the computer and ate some cereal.
I went on to myspace.
Shut up.

I managed to get ready, more or less on time.
It was my mum's birthday, and her friends had come over to
eat breakfast with her.
They took the piss.
I was late.
Great.
Sarah seemed mad at first.
She didn't yell. [which is always good]
She went easy on me. [Once i had explained the situation]
I like when she does that.
Was a pretty cool lesson, that. We started off with Sarah, 'cause our first director didn't show.
It was pretty fun work.

The next HND director gave us a short story to read.
It was kinda creepy. But I like that sorta stuff, huh?

I came home and I slept.
And watched some Buffy.
Fuck yess.

I came online and spoke to some people about some things.
I don't really remember any particular conversation.
Except one.
With Andy. He was still upset with me.
I felt awful, and I had no idea what to say to make it better.
I did my best to reply to his message.
Once again, he was apologising to me?!
I didn't deserve that.
Told you.. he's just one of those people.

Thursday:
Next day, Next day, Next day.
I woke up and I was hideously tired.
I managed to pull myself out of bed and had some Wheetabix.
I climbed back into bed.
Woke up at approx. 8.20.
Fuck.
I slowly paced the kitchen, and I wasn't quite sure what I was doing. I made a mental note of this, afterwards, just so I could write it in here.
I ate some more wheetabix.

I figured if I was going to be late, there was no point worrying myself, and rushing about like some kind of 2 legged farm animal with no head.
I got there at near half past 9.
Liz did not seem impressed.
After musical theatre we found out our next lesson was cancelled. I wasn't feeling well and wanted to get a nap before I had to meet Shoo to get mother's present.
I couldn't get to sleep, and just as i'd started to nod off by alarm came blaring in, somewhat unpleasantly.
I threw it across the room, not realizing it was infact my phone until the point where it'd left my hand, and immediately went after it.
My phone is used to this kind of treatment.
It only sulked for, like, a minute.

Kylie came to town, and we got to mango about half an hour late.
It was cool, 'cause Shoo hadn't arrived yet, but Nick and Gordy were there to point out my lateness.
Dammit.
Nick showed everyone his CV that I had helped with.
Bless'im.
We procrastinated way too much, but eventually Kylie gave me the motivation needed to leave the nice warm place and buy my mother's present.
Got her a necklace.
£8.99. Sweet.

It was advertised as £9.99 in the book and upon hearing the lady announce "that'll be £8.99" Shoo swiftly closed the book, repeating "£8.99" and nodding dramatically.
She's hilarious.

I then had to go to Primark to buy a hairband.
I wanted the one that Becca borrowed off Katie Price.
They had run out.
I bought a top.
And some eye liner,
and some eye shadow.
Me and Shoo met up with Tommy and headed up to Retribution via Chelle's bus stop.
After dropping her off me and Tom walked swiftly. It was fucking freezing.

We beat Awesome John so we just lolled around outside.
He took us downstairs when we arrived. Showed us how to do some stuff.
At first I totally got it.. but seemed to fuck up more and more as the night went on.
Before opening we went down to Burger King in John's car. I aquired a crown.
I then proceeded in losing it somewhere in the car.
I also lost a tenner.
BUGGER.

Headed back to MOC and started letting people in.
John got us some drinks.
We had a fun night.
We seemed to run outta music, so I am taking some CD's in next time.
I had a fun night.
Gayboy came. With SelfMade and Josh.
Benvy and Katie.
Ailise and Dan.
I like these people.
It was fun.

Sean was wearing a Wife Beater.
This was highly amusing.

Can I do the rest another time?
xx

I don't blame you for being you.. But you can't blame me for hating it.

2006-01-29T20:07:52Z

Shiiiit man.
I have so much write on here.

"She said what are you waiting for? Kiss her."

Monday:
On Monday, I went into college at the right time, this week.
We had a pretty good lesson in which we discussed work. Then we had to speach excercises it was a barrel of larfs. Ofcourse, I didn't admit this at the time.
Jaymini kept making me laugh, though.
I had a talk on Narnia the next day, so I asked Daniel to come cinema with me.
It was a great time. I've not hung out with him in ages by myself. He kept making me laugh and
I wrote really ridiculous notes, like : "DickhEdmund"; there was a character called Edmund, and he was a bit stupid.
Anyway, we got outta the cinema at around 11.23 pm.
I text mother telling her to come pick us up 'cause we were out early.
While we waited we had a slow motion Mortal Kombat type fight.
We also attempted to race on two seperate arcade machines.
I had no clue how to work mine.
Anyway. Mother came and picked us up and took Daniel home and then me.. home.
I went to bed.

Tuesday:
Day of excitement. Did a lesson with that teacher i'm not too fond of. [I haven't mentioned this, have I? Some other time? It's not all too interesting.]
She was alright, and we had a fun time. We did a lesson based on sound and movement. We had to communicate using odd noises and movement, no speaking aloud. But they had to somehow fit.
Then we had Ian. Ian is my favourite. He is such an awesome teacher.
He was being assessed so we got let out early, and I usually would've taken this oppertunity to go outside
for a cigarette, but as it was Ian, I did not.
Last lesson we had Louise. Drama Improvisation. Fun, fun.
Well. Actually, yes.
I did have fun.
Me and Mark seem to work well in that lesson together, so I paired up with him.
Then I was with my two. Sian and Darren. Hilarity.
After college, I went home. I was running late, 'cause dad had to do a few things, I think?
I just remember being late coming home and rushing about.
I had to meet mother 'cause she was gunna take me to the NEXT warehouse. I met her at like 6.. and then she told me it was far away, so I was like 'bleugh. i'm not pissing Panic! for clothes". I called Dan as her friend we were picking up was on his road. He was with Tomas.
They'd sent me the cutest myspace message ealier that day, so I shoulda remembered.
So I went to Beccy's which I was gunna do before I had planned to go NEXT so it worked out.
Ailise had arrived on the bus at exactly the time that I had been dropped at the bus stop, Beccy was there already and we all walked up together.
We all got ready, and got the bus around.. 7..15?
I dunno, maybe later.
But yeah, I rang charlotte, she said she was queued up near the doors.
There were like a bajillion Scene Kids. I kept telling everyone I felt scene but did nothing about it.. sheerly because I looked nice. So, so what?
Charlotte was riiight at the front, and when doors opened rushed to the best place to stand. On the side?!?
Whatever. I didn't care, 'cause I got a place to sit. Yay me.
It was infact the best view, ever.
Junior Varsity supported. I did NOT know that. I'd heard a couple songs offa Myspace, but they blew me away that night. They were so cute, and the vocalist/bassist was so funny. He kept stripping off T-shirts of his own band after each song and throwing 'em in to the crowd. Inevitably, he eventually ran out.
I spoke to him afterwards, and he was real sweet. He signed my piece of card [:S?!] and agreed to the notion of me and Charlotte finding a small box and putting him in it.
Hehe.
Panic! were great. I was spagging out, though. I felt about 12. but the point is I had a good time seeing one of my favourite bands at the moment, and sang at them like they didn't know their own lyrics.
I got a plectrum offa them and Junior Varsity.
The guitarist was so cute, and I accidently groped him as he was getting off stage. I just wanted to touch him. But that must've sucked for him. I mean, you just wanna play music and you get all these girls mauling you for being attractive. It must be a bit degrading.
I felt bad.
Yup. And then came The Academy Is...
WHOO! They were the best live, they had so much energy and a camp front man with bags of charisma.
AWESOME.
He was sucha Diva.. It made me laugh.
Still hot, though. Looked kinda like Adam Lazzara ...'s sister.
They played Black Mumba last, and throughout the set, i was worried that they weren't gunna play it.
I actually jumped with excitement, which I am deeply sorry about, to anyone who whitnessed this. I did say I acted 12.
I aquired another pleccy-trum and this one actually said "the Academy Is.." I got a set list too.
Yay me.
We met a drunken Katie and Roslyn outside, and headed to Fan Club.
They were practically forcing their alcohol upon me, because seriously, they were so effing drunk.
Katie was slurring her words. I've only heard her do it that badly twice before. Once was on the first night we went out together. Haha. Then she was sick EVERYWHERE.
Anyways, Fan Club, got more drunk, Katie smuggled the vodka in her crotch. Actually IN IT.
I joke.
Yup. There was some drinking, and then later on when I won a bottle of wine, commenced more drinking, and then Ben bought me and Katie shots.
Wee.
I was dreading spending money on getting a cab, Katie was getting a lift with her new bitch, Kris from Glitch, that rhymed.
He's a nice guy. I'm glad she's with a nice one.
Nick was there, and we danced for a while, and apparently I was dancing funny, but when you're with Katie, I swear to god it's contagious.
So there was some dancing, and some telling Tom DeLow how hot his girlfriend was, and some talking to some random guy who I thought was Liam but wasn't but i spoke to him anyway.
Then nice Richard gave me a lift home. What a nice nice boy. Heh.

Wednesday:
Next day I had to be in college by freakin' 9. I was obviously late. I'd say I got there for half past, and jumped straight into Rehearsal. We met the HND's again.
They're like gunna direct plays that we're gunna put on for them. It sounded pretty fun.
Then Sarah gave us some tasks to do which seemed a bit pointless to begin with but once she's explained made perfect sense to what we were doing.
Lucy's lesson was cancelled so I headed home. I watched some Buffy. That always puts me in a good mood.
But I fell asleep and missed 2 episodes. Bummer.
I slept for a good 3 hours. Noice.
When I awoke I was hungry and proceeded in eating the whole contents of the fridge.
I considered going out again. But then I realised that this was ridiculous.
I came online and spoke to Adam for a bit and were more civilised then the last time. Which was nice.
I think I went to bed about 12. Just as I was drifting off, I got a text from Mitch.
Text him for a bit, then went to bed.

Thursday:
This day was a bit slow at first. Didn't have much college. Had Musical Theatre rehearsal. And I got really pissed off at Darren. First time i've ever been mad at him, and I was a little mad at Sian too.
Nevermind. Things sorted out after a bit of bitching to other peers.
Haha.
When I got home all I wanted to do was rest, but I don't recall doing so. I can't think at the minute, to be quite honest.
I ended up going to Ailise's quite early and Katie was there and we got ready and went to MOC.
It was completely dead.
It did get fuller, but the music wasn't all too good either.
They played a lot of old school Metal and old Nu-Metal. Hah.
I used to listen to most of those bands about 5-6 years ago.
I think everyone listened to them.
Yeah, probably.
The point is. I enjoyed dancing to them.. but I'd've prefered others.
We ended up going back to Ailise's in a taxi 'cause it was freezing. The taxi man was awesome and let us smoke outta the window. Tom decided to be difficult and climb outta the window, so while I waited for him to finish [so that I could open the door] I told the nice taxi man that I loved him.
3 times.
I wasn't even drunk. Maybe a little tipsy. Maybe. But in no way was I drunk.
I was excitable because Tom and Dan are hilarious when they're together.
Me and Katroth went straight to bed, 'cause Ailise's mommy wasn't happy with her.

Friday:
In the morning Katie had gone to college.
Tom came and woke me up. I was so frazzled.
I went downstairs and they were watching cartoons.
When Abby and Dan came outta their sex-room [haha] we watched television and smoked like little chimneys.
Ailise put dye in my hair. I'm glad there were only those people in the house.. I had to wear a towel on my head.
Hahaha.
Yes. Anyway.
She dyed and cut my hair.. I did the same to hers. Dan and Abby and Tom had left.
They weren't going to Mosh.
Beccy came down later. We got ready, I obviously made us late.
We went to Odyssey, cause I told Nick and Dan i'd meet them as I hadn't in the day.
Dan immediately gave me a cigarette.
He's so sweet, bless.
And then I was dragged upstairs. I spoke to Demi and a few other people.
It was so funny though, 'cause Beccy used to 'see' Demi, and I used to 'see' Rob who she's now going out with..
And they were kissing and me and Becca broke out into awkward laughter, Demi obviously noticed and came up and was like "you had sex with my boyfriend didn't you?!" I nervously said yes.
She smiled and said it was okay. It's not like they were going out at the time.
She asked me questions.. which I found uncomfortable. I went to hang out with Nick and Dan for a bit.
When Becca came down, Ailise announced that we were going to the toilets.
We drank our crummy Gin that we'd bought on the way down.. Eugh.
Ailise left but me and Becca stayed and talked some, and took scene pictures of ourselves. Fuuun.
We were interupted by that lady who works in Odyssey, we thought we'd been busted, but it was because some guy and girl were getting it on in the cubicle next door to us! hahaha.
Anyways, we went to Mosh for 10 so it was only 3 quid.
I got real wasted.
We danced like twats.
The place filled up quite nice.
I spoke to some nice people.
When Katie arrived we kept splitting off into two's, like it'd either be me and Katie and Becca and Leaf or.. Me and Becca and Leaf and Katie.
I think I spent the night with Becca 'cause the others wanted to crazy Indie dance all night.
Me and Becca rolled around everywhere.
I don't really remember any important parts of the night right now.
I had a pleasant time.
They played that song that makes me want to have sex.
Is that an over-share?
Haha.

We went back to Ailise's in a taxi. Me and Katie talked, Ailise had to be up early so she went straight to bed.

Saturday:
In the morning we were excited. We went to the shop for Alex. [Ailise's mum] in crazy clothes to get Cassy [Ailise's Cat] some food.
I fed her. She loves me again.
Did I mention that I accidently kicked her the day before?
Yup. Whoops.
Liam ran over a pigeon today.
NOW WHO'S WORSE?!

Okay. Anyway. We were excited about seeing the bands that we were seeing.
I was seeing Fall Out Boy and Katie was seeing Panic! and Academy Is..
but in Birmingham, HelloGoodbye were playing too!
gjdflgjfdgjdfg.
HATE.

My dad dropped Katie off and then took me to mother's.
I got my stuff ready in a hurry, but then found myself being distracted by MSN and Myspace.
Liam got mad when I was late, but i'm always late.
We drove down, and Joe had stolen the front seat so I decided to annoy everyone.
At one point though, I nodded off for like 5 minutes.
Liam awoke me. I think he was bored.
We got there, and I was energy-less.
I just.. wanted to sleep.
We walked towards a pub where Dan said he'd meet us, and we had to go past Rock City..
WE SAW PETE FROM FALL OUT BOY.
WE SAW HIM AND SPOKE TO HIM AND I LOVE HIM. AND GJFDJGFDGIJFDJG.
I LOVE HIM.
Anyway, we went to the pub and met up with Sexface, Crazylegs and Dan.
Then later, Danway, Kun, and Nathan.
We went to the gig.
Liam had to buy the other boys drinks 'cause they were dick'eds and didn't think to bring ID.
Anyways, we stood a reasonable distance away from Patrick.
Got pushed around a bit, but overall had an awesome time.
I rang Adam during 'Of All The Gin Joints''cause he used to have the album before it came out here, and he sent me that song, so it's always reminded me of him.
I almost lost my phone/my whole arm.
I text a few people being abusive. Haha.
CrazyLegs was upset with me and Dan! SORRYYY.
But I think [/hope] she's okay now.
I love her so much for getting me that ticket. *kisses her*
Anyways, Sexface, Joe and Crazylegs went home.
Kun called later saying he had gone too.
We wanted to stay and party.
Well, by 'we' i mean Dan and Liam. I wasn't really in the mood, but wanted to see Pete DJing so I stayed.
We got wasted, and I was fine.
Dancing like .. something crazy, actually.
I text Shoo asking about her gig. She inevitably said something hilarious,
I can't remember what it was right now.
Pete played some well good songs. And we danced like emo's.
Emo's hopped up on speed.
You can tell me too shh, you know. Or just press that 'x' that's situated top right on your screen [unless your a Mac user then it's the-- actually no. you deserve this.]
Got to Dan's about 3? Maybe even a bit later.
Hung out with his flatmates for a while.. watched the beginning of the Anchor Man as he is infact obsessed.
Listened to some Fall Out Boy - haha, Switch NX and HOUSTON CALLS, loudly.
Annoyed the hell out of everyone.

Haha - as we were getting outta the car, Dan's flatmate came running down the hill, did a little fairy jump, exclaimed "going to get some rizzla for the buddha".. and ran off.
I thought this was hilarious.
We slept.

Sunday:
Was woken up by Liam's phone going off.
It was his piece of ass. [pronounced ace, apparently]
Did I forget to mention?
Liam pulled at the gig. She was quite young, but hot.
I'd do 'er.
Haha.
She just came up and started talking to him in the middle of Fall Out Boy.
Gutsy.

Yeah, he went to go see her, while me and Dan stayed in and smoked, talked and listened to music.
I played the end of that Five Iron song about 30034 times.
And recorded it on my phone. Haha.
It was nice to spend time with Dan 'cause he is infact the funniest person I know.
When Liam returned he bought us Greggs, and yelled at me for not being dressed.
I got dressed and we left pretty soon after that.
On the journey I was being quiet. Liam kept saying I was being quiet. There was no particular reason for me being that way.
I was singing along to Panic! a bit.
Meow?
Anyways. He dropped me more or less near home.
He had to go to practice and was already late so I wasn't about to complain.
I walked past Tyler's bridge and read the birthday cards. They were so sweet.
He woulda been 18 this month.

I got home and came online.. and for very short periods of time have left this general area.
That's scary.
I am going to go now.
But I had an awesome week, huh?
YESMATE.
xx.

Playing it safe, He kissed her cheek.

2006-01-21T23:39:20Z

Hallo. *katie high pitched voice*

Uhm, Friday, Right?
Yeah, woke up real late, as i had none sleep, remember?
Yup. Got up about .. 2.30 ish?
Okay, it's not that late.
But yeah, got up, and pretty much bummed around more most of the day.
I talked to Nick on here and we arranged to meet in Odyssey. I told him i'd txt Gordy, and
be in at about 8-8.30.
Him and Dan tried to convince me to come to their band practice, but I wasn't ready at all.
I was furthest from ready as anyone could ever possibly be in the world.
Yeah.
They accused me of being a typical girl, and then frolicked off into town to go shopping.
Yus, i stayed on here for a while longer, and then the time came when I realised it was approaching 6 and I still needed to bathe.
So I did that. Listened to some [The] Academy Is../Jack's Mannequin while doing so.

I was ready by about 8ish..
I went to the 21/22 bus stop a bit futher down.
I missed the bus.
I rang father, as I always do in a time of crisis, becuase he cares.
He told me to get a taxi, but I didn't want to spend more of his money, I asked his girlfriend if she could take me in.
She's lovely, so she did.
I met Leaf at Spar, and we headed up to Odyssey after buying cigarettes.
Nick and Gordy moaned at me for being late, haha.
Pete was in there. And he bought me a drink.
He seemed a bit upset at me. I was like.. 'whaa?'
I guess I was a bit rude when he first came in, but I didn't mean to be, he should know what i'm like,
afterall he used to be my best friend.
Hmph.
Anyway, we went upstairs, drank some, and set off to reach Mosh before 10.
I really didn't have the money to go after that.
Ailise arranged for us to meet Jov and crew so she would get in easier.
Ironic thing - we didn't get asked, but all the boys did.
We went straight to the toilets to fix our crazy ass hair.
Ailise bought me a drink, 'cause she's loverly.
We drank and I went and sat with Josh. I didn't realize Charlie was sitting right next to him, until
he went "hi Priya"
I was like.. "hi... errm. oh my god it's charlie" hah.
He'd grown his hair. That's why.
Spoke to the two of them for a while, and they wanted to go upstairs, I went with, as Ailise was mingling with MarkDeth and such, and I don't really know any of them apart from him and Jov.
I was introduced to the people I didn't know upon arrival, but still..
So we put our stuff in the cloackroom and they scampered off to the toilet.
Ailise was upstairs by this point, so we went and requested songs.
I requested Panic! and Ailise requested .. fuckknows. [yeah, they're a good band.. you should hear 'em. :|]
I went back later, [while Ailise flirted with Mike vigorously] and requested Arctic Monkeys for Katieroo.
She arrived, her and Ailise scampered off to the toilets while I talked to Jov.
And then Toby.
And then some guy that I was introduced to earlier.
We spoke about stuff, and then he kept telling me I had beautiful eyes, which made me a tad uncomfortable.
Otherwise, he seemed nice enough.
We danced to fall out boy, and Panic! and then we got more drinkage from Owain.
What a swell guy.
We went and sat with Stewart, Toby and new friend Raj.
I talked to Stew about his tattoos. And Ailise took pictures of us.
Then Toby came and sat where he was sitting when he went to the bar. He tried to eat my ear, and then we posed for some pictures. Meow. Ailise was getting carried away.
We got up to go upstairs, and me and Ailise decided we were gunna be weirdos and ask random people to pose for pictures with us. Before fully thinking this through, i jumped in the middle of a group of boys and struck a pose.
THEN we asked them if it was okay, ofcourse, they obliged. [they really didn't have a choice in the matter]
One of them [the best looking one, SCORE - haha] struck up a conversation with me. He kept touching my hair, and although he seemed alright, i made an excuse and left. [for obvious reasons]

We went upstairs and I saw Josh [Gayboy's friend] spoke to him for a while.
We all danced, Gayboy appeared, we spoke for a while.
Jay came over, we danced again.
Ahaha. there was alot of that. I'm gunna stop mentioning it, unless it's relevant.

When me and Mitch were on the middle floor, he challenged me to an arm wrestle and proper kicked my ass. Obviously.
Yeah, but then these two big guys showed him what's what. haha.
We went to the Bar and John came over, and bit Mitch on the neck.
Hot.
Then he bit me on the neck, and I had to take a second to compose myself, afterwards.
Yeah, he was pretty wasted. I wore his glasses. I looked cool.

This is the point where all the drinkage must've affected me, 'cause although, i remember most of it, i was allover the place.
Yup, we danced to some Indie. I spoke to Katie for a while, in the middle of the night, at some point.
I felt bad for leaving her. But I was just so drunk. And she was in Ailise's capable hands.
While Mitch danced to some crazy song with his friends I went and spoke to Jay.
He was pissed off.
He asked who Mitch was, and asked if we were going out.
I guess I could've mentioned him.. but I didn't think he still liked me!
I mean, I completely ignored his request for New Years, and I thought he'd understood that I didn't like him like that anymore.

Symon was steaming, it was funny. It was his night off, and he kept telling people, and buying them drinks and being lovely ol' Symon.
It was well sweet.
Charlie, Ed, Emily, Simon, and a few others came down to Mosh a bit later.
They were planning on going to the Union, but Charlie didn't get in.
AHAHAHAHAHHHHAhaHAHAHAHAhaHAHAhahAHhaHAHAH.
He cut his hair, and looks about 12. Again.
I thought this was highly amusing, and pointed and laughed for a good 10 minutes.

I don't really remember anything else, which probably means it wasn't all that important. So I'm gunna skip to the end. We went outside, and Alex dragged Mitchell away. Meow.
I hung out with Luke and Steve and tall friend.. Rich is it? for a while.
And PeterCHOO walked past.
Oddly, the first thing he said was "i didn't go to Mosh"
Erm, okay?
And then he was on his own on the Island, so I went over and spoke to him for a while.
Katie joined us and we had some laughs, killed some time.
We flagged down a taxi, and then Pete was like "no" to the guy, and he gave us the effing finger.
We were like "cheers".
I attempted to do the 'suck it' .. move?! but yeah, he was long gone by then.
Man, I was so gone.
Steve gave us a lift to Luke's house, which was just around the corner from hers, and we chillaxed there for a while.
Rich played some guitar.
and so did Steve.
And I txt Gayboy.
And Ailise lay on the bed, pretending she wasn't asleep but didn't really retaliate when Katie hurled loo roll at her.
I wanted to sleep. I wasn't being very interesting.
We walked to Ailise's about half an hour later. It took like 2 seconds, it was amazing.
Me and Katie lay on Ailise's bed while she wrote a long strongly worded myspace message to Kat with a K. Who had pissed off about every female in Leicester by messaging every boy, that were ours.
What can I say, we're possessive young lasses.

Anyhoo, then sleeptime came.
Katie left real early and sat on me and she tried to get out of bed [apparently?]
Yeah, she went home, and Ailise went to work.
I woke up all on my lonesome.
I got ready and pranced around her room to Race The Sun and Postal Service.
Spoke to her mommy and brother for a while, and arranged to meet Jayhead, as he was at Joe's without Joe.
I waited for Ailise to get back and Katie arrived too, when we left they were in a hurry.
They wanted to run, and I didn't. [it's undignified, i'm too cool for that kinda behaviour] and so I walked and smoked.
THEN came the running.
I was bored so I caught up with them, they weren't too far ahead.
Us darned smokers can't run very far.
But yeah, as I was running my bra fell down. A man saw and pointed dramatically to his wife, but so that I'd see.
It was highly embarassing. But my breasts are nice, so.. whatever.
Anyhow, off they went into the station, and then I saw Nick so I had to run in and say hello.
Anyhoo. I met Jayhead at PoundStretcher and was apparently half an hour late. Whoops.
Mum was outside the salon as she'd forgotten her keys. [this is where i get all my ditsyness from]
We spoke to her, she gave me some money and we went to mango.
On the way Jay found 5 pounds on the street. How lucky?! We sat in mango and he tried to sabotage my drink so I did the same and we made a hurrendous mess, and I couldn't stop laughing so I had to sit in the corner with my head in my hands and compose myself.
They played BoxCarRacer and I got overly excited and asked Dani if I could DJ. She allowed me.
We put on some Indie, then some emo, then some punk. I was well good.
They should employ me, in my opinion.

Yup, then I arrange to meet Dan and his crazy tonsils.
It was gross.
Jayhead left. And then came Benvy. Benvy also had tonsilitus. I was with two gross people.
She dragged us around some shops to go.. shopping.
We met Kun at the clock and he'd discovered that he'd lost his phone.
He rang it. No answer. I think it's cause it was from Benvy's phone. [Alec had it]
We went in search for it at Starbucks where we found Nathan [not working] but was on a date.
We left to go to the Haymarket to get Benvy a top or two. She took ages.
I bumped into Rohini in TK Maxx. She works there, dontcha know?
She's so funny and was complaining about these crazy trousers they'd forced upon her when she went into
work that morning.
Haha. Aww.
Yup. Then I met with Kuntal once more. [did I forget to mention we split off from him and Dan before TK Maxx?]
Yeah, came home, came online, watched TV, did not go out, confused Steve with.. Steve, spoke to some people, slept.. got extremely bored, didn't watch Battle Royale. I watched the NFG video to 'Dress To Kill' a million times. Spoke to Shoo for ages, which was nice, as we haven't done that in a while.
She called Rachael Leigh Cook - 'Rachael can't cook won't cook' which actually made me laugh out loud.
Aside from that I had an aweful saturday night.
Aweful. *sighs*
Woke up this morning like 'Meow?' it was 2pm.
I came online for a bit [wrote some of this out] and then went to watch Smelevision.
I had an interesting conversation with Adam.

He knows he's just winding me up. So i won't let it get to me.
He proper plays dumb too, like he doesn't know what he's said.
I guess after that the conversation went okay. But he didn't have to be a twat, to be honest.

After that, I left the computer area.
I watched The Prince And Me. It's well sweet.
I listened to Handle This by Sum 41, which I hadn't in like 2 years. It was in my head for some reason?
I think it's the only song i'm proud of liking by them. Haha.
I had to do the washing up, just now, and now my nails are fucked.
bjfdlgjfd. I think i will go bathe soon.
Meow.
xx.